I have been doing some pondering as of late on the topic of friendships and how one can understand when they have evolved beyond their current friendships and what one can do in this circumstance.
The reason why this has been a relevant topic for me is because I have a few friends who aren’t on the same level as me. I am not speaking about worth here, but rather, utility.
These friends view the world from a negative perspective.
These friends do not take care of themselves, physically or mentally.
These friends prioritize things that aren’t important.
These friends are messy within their environment which becomes a reflection of their mentality.
To say the least, it is not what I want for my future because I want to be surrounded by winners who kick ass at the game of life. My personality is set up in such a way that I require excellence, both in myself as well as those who are around me.
Your friendships will either raise you up or keep you in a place of stagnation and decay. A friendship can either allow you to improve upon your weaknesses or it can keep you covered in the blanket of ignorance.
From this perspective, friendship is a tool. It can either work for you or against you, depending on how both parties interact with themselves and each other.
Just as a knife can be used to cut some fruit or stab someone, friendship can also be used to amplify your growth within the world or nullify it.
The quality of your life is a reflection of whom you surround yourself with. Listen, I am an advocate of relentless self-discipline, especially in the face of friends who make the easy choices. But, this ceases to work at a certain point.
The only reason why it works so well for me is because:
I am skilled at disciplined action.
I limit the amount of time that I spend with these individuals.
If you aren’t skilled at the art of self-discipline AND spend a lot of time with people who aren’t growth minded, then you become a part of the group in no time.
If you are skilled at the art of self-discipline and spend little to no time with these people, then you begin to experience progress and gain clarity.
Surround yourself with four people who eat donuts and you will likely become the fifth if you’re not careful.
Surround yourself with nine people who spend more than they earn and you will likely become the tenth if you’re not careful.
Surround yourself with two people who prioritize their health and you will likely become the third.
Your friendships matter, immensely.
The quickest way to make progress is to surround yourself with people who outclass you at nearly everything. When you are surrounded by excellence, you cannot help but become excellent yourself.
When we surround ourselves with people who are at such a high level, a beautiful process takes place:
You are FORCED to go beyond your normal standards. As a result, we do more than we ever thought we could do and this totally changes the game for us on a psychological level.
Before you know it, you begin to think like these winners.
You begin to create the same mannerisms as these winners.
You begin to act like these winners and before you know it, you’re a winner yourself.
I have just discussed why, now let’s go the how.
Spend less time with friends who are not growth minded. There is no way around this, you cannot spend much time with these people. The good news is that as you begin to surround yourself with winners and experience the benefits, you lose a taste for spending time with these individuals.
Replace that extra time with self-improvement of some sort as well as finding those people who are winners – financially, physically, energetically, socially and so on. As you spend less time with losers, you find yourself with an abundance of extra time, money and energy.
These freed up resources must be allocated in a strategically wise manner. Invest in the following:
Side Hustles & Businesses
Training & Movement
Studying, Reading & Learning
Connecting with Winners in Person & Digitally
Meditation & Understanding Thyself
Skill Building (Writing, Marketing, Speaking)
Understanding Your Vision & Values
And, much more.
When these individuals who stagnantly approach you and question you as to why you aren’t like you used to be, tell them you’re busy with improvement. Inevitably, you will likely have a conversation with these people.
Your response must always be centered around the fact that you are evolving and don’t resonate with how things have been going for you.
If they don’t like your response, ignore them.
If they become aggressive, block their number and social media accounts and let nature take its course.
Many agreeable people have trouble doing the things mentioned above because they think that they are doing themselves a favor by being nice.
Listen, if something such as a relationship with another person is becoming toxic then you must learn to act ruthlessly for your own health and growth.
You must become cold in this circumstance, otherwise, you drown along with them.
There’s a reason why you must proceed with caution in the water when attempting to save a drowning person.
In conclusion, you can either become a winner or a loser and that choice will always be within your control.
Evaluate your current relationships and assess objectively as to whether they are getting you to where you want to be. That’s your starting point.